I had spent most of my life feeling utterly unloved and unlovable. Growing up, I thought myself ugly inside and out, and was constantly reminded of how despicable I was through bullying.
As I reached adulthood, I had some female friends, some of whom could have “been something”, but nothing ever clicked. There was one who I felt could have been “the one” but it never came to be – and it is a story for another time. Certainly not for here and now.
Never really knew how to relate to … anyone … romantically. “Just be yourself” people would say. Yeah, great. All I gotta do is figure out who the hell that is.
I was flatting in what had become an unpleasant situation and was looking for a new place. I saw an ad where people were looking for someone to go flatting with, and I range the number. This voice answered and I was flustered. I loved this voice from the start. Turns out this woman and her flatmate left their previous place and wanted to move into a place in Mount Victoria, but needed a third person. I immediately liked both of them.
Memory snapshot: Bringing in my washing and realised I had some of hers mixed up with it. As I gave it back to her I quipped about how I took down her knickers
Unfortunately, one of them was … well …. let’s just say she was a little strange. The other – the one with the angelic voice – she was kinda cool. As flatmates, we went to a play together, went out to dinner once or twice, and rather enjoyed each other’s company. But the flat really was horrible, and I moved out after 3 months. But I kept in touch. With one of them anyway.
They both moved out a short time later, and moved into another place in Brooklyn. Because I was in touch with them, and felt kinda guilty about leaving them in the lurch, I helped them move. Well, I helped her move.
Memory snapshot: I was carrying the drawers of her chest down the stairs to the new flat. She commented on how it was her “personal hygiene” drawer. I looked at what I was carrying and said “Well, you must be really clean then”. I got a playful punch on the arm.
By this stage we were having lunch together quite often – she worked just up the road from me. There was definitely something special starting.
We went out a few more times. The magic day was Labour Day (golly gosh – was it 12 or 13 years ago??). We went out walking, wandered along Breaker Bay and enjoyed the sun. I can’t remember if she knew of my nude proclivities at that time. We decided we’d go up to Mount Victoria and have a look – she’d never been up to the lookout.
It was getting cold, and as we walked up the steps, it just seemed so incredibly natural and normal to reach out and put my arm around her – to keep her warm. We walked up to the lookout. As she looked out, I held her from behind and kissed her head. She turns around and we share our first kiss. My heart was singing.
Not long after, we made love for the first time. The first time for each of us. For those of you who are mathematically inclined, and can be bothered, you might realise this meant I was 31 at the time. What followed was many many visits to her place. Many instances of me slinking off at about 1am back to my flat in Miramar so that I could get up at 6:30 the next morning.
Life was pretty fucking amazing.
As with any relationship, we had our moments. Periods of real annoyance. Periods where we wondered what the hell we were doing. But we have always been well and truly in love. Even though we might not particularly like each other on rare occasions, we are always in love.
The day I knew I was well and truly hooked was the day I was walking down the street and stopped at the lights and noticed a woman who, I guess, was extremely beautiful wearing a really hot outfit. My thought? “Wow! I bet K would look great wearing that”.
If there is anyone out there feeling they’ll never find love, I say it is out there. Love surprises you. It creeps up and you never know when it will pounce. The trick is to never give up on yourself.
Happy anniversary to my wonderful, darling wife, who has made my life so wonderful, so stressful, so beautiful and so complete. I love you completely and for ever.