Yay to be back in the land of the living.
We identify ourselves as different gender types, don’t we. And not a pure male/female thing, but a continuum. Genetically, we can be male, female or something else – somewhere in between these two. Chromosomally, we can have anything from XXXXX females to XYY males. One way or another, we fall somewhere along this line.
As well as genetically, we also have the gender we identify ourselves as. Me? I am definitely cis-gendered male. I am genetically a male, and see myself well and truly as a man. I love my cock – but not too much, if you get what I mean.
But I think there is another area. It isn’t exactly social gendering, not about identification, but about association. For most of my adult life, I have always felt more comfortable around women than men. Hell – even at school I would have preferred to hang out with the girls than with the boys. And until I was in my 30s, I never considered myself a “man”. A guy, a male, sure. A man? No.
Those few instances where friends or relatives have got married, and there is a stag/hen night, I have always wanted to go to the hen night. I would much rather go on a “girls’ night out” than a “boys’ night in”. You could say that socially, I am female.
And here is where I start to feel a little uncomfortable. Guilty.
I find I form friendships with women quite easily – possibly because of my social femininity makes me unthreatening. But I like it. It makes me feel at home. I love my wife more than I could ever say, more than anything else in this world (and probably any other). She is so good to me, so smart, so gorgeous, so sexy. But I still find myself in friendships with other women.
Is this cheating? Emotionally, maybe so. There are a number of women, most recently the wonderful bloggers who were my inspiration for starting this blog, who I could quite happily say that I love. Nothing like in the way I love my wife, not in a sexual way, but like family. I always wanted a sister, and I guess there is something deep inside of me that still wants to have one. I tend to see my in-laws as if they were my own sisters, and care deeply for them.
My darling wife is everything. And if she was ever unhappy with any of my friendships (which I am always open with her about) I would cut them off because her happiness is more important to me than anything else. I make no apologies for that, sorry.
I guess this post is just to say a few things:
To my wife – I love you more than anything, and would do anything for you.
To my new friends – I greatly value the richness you have added to my life.
I think I will want to talk about this in later posts – the basis of our very concepts of masculinity or femininity.