The idea of women being respected and treated as, you know, people, has been something working on me since I was in my early teens.
Over the years, I feel my feminist views have crystalised. They have become clearer and more intense. Most recently by me fellow bloggers (wow it feels call to say that).
The approach that has been going through my mind most recently is the role men play in feminism. To me, the entire idea of feminism exists because of the culture in which men treat women as somehow lesser. The idea that they can be owned or subjugated. And some women are so influenced by these factors, they believe it, and perpetuate these devastating myths.
So I realised that sexism, misogyny, rape culture – none of these are “women’s problems”. They are men’s problems. Women are the victims of the “problem”, but men are the perpetrators, the cause and the origin. So, following this thought, it is hopeless to think that women alone can solve the problem. If men are to change, it has to come from within. We need to take responsibility for our sex, for what we have created.
We need strong women to steer us – to remind us of the issues and the offences we have committed. But we need to do something.
I know there are quite a number of feminist men out there. I am heartened to see this, and feel proud to consider myself among them. But I wonder if we can do more. Perhaps as feminist men, our duty is to bring other men onto our side. To use our maleness to convince other men of what is needed. To have the balls to speak up.
I know it is only a small step, but I am trying to establish a Facebook group as a means of bringing more men together, so that we can help fight the good fight, and to consolidate our support of those great, strong women who are in the thick of the fight.
I’ll publish more later, but I’d love to hear people’s views on this – is it a good idea? If we men want to get serious about making a change within our own kind, do we need to come together?
Late addition: refer to Octavia Spitfire’s blog. In particular the points about how, while we men need to own the issue of our privilege, of our creation of a culture of sexism, of rape culture, we must not drive it. For that would just be another case of men controlling women. We must listen first.
Further addition: FB page set up, but still in infancy. Once I get some spare head-space, I’ll develop it a little further and establish a strategy.
I follow some great feminist men on Twitter and in blogs, and some of them do awesome blogs. Not sure if you follow them or not, but here are a few:
Garland Grey at Tiger Beatdown, and GarlandGrey.com
Jeff Fecke at Alas, a Blog, and moderateleft.com
Brian Stuart at Red3.blogspot.com (fat activism)
John O’Dwyer – @TheSilverParty (twitter handle)
There’s quite a few guys on Shakesville (Paul, Deeky etc)
If I think of others, I’ll #ff you
Thanks Amanda. Will chase that up.
Hey, I totally agree that guys need to stand up and bring to people’s attention that feminism deals with ongoing issues that are still relevant in society today. You made a good point about it not being “women’s problem”.
I recently wrote a letter to Salient (Vic uni’s student magazine) in reply to a (very good) article about masculinity in sporting culture. It should be printed tomorrow, and is very much in the same vein as this blog. Albeit; angrier and probably sounding a bit addled.
I believe you can pick up a free copy from Fidel’s on Cuba st if you want to read it. :3
Thanks for that. I would also add the the same comment I made at Octavia’s blog .
While we own the problem because we caused it, the driver for the solution does need to be women. Otherwise we are just making decisions for them all over again.
A delicate balance. I believe our responsibility as men is to work together to change the attitudes of other men. And to stand up and hopefully make ourselves an example – something other men can look to and say “Wow, you know, I always felt like this but never really knew where I was going with it. If he can do it, so can I”.
Thanks again YY.
thanx for the link & i really appreciate you taking an initiative on this. i hope it goes well.
First steps – set up the group, but just need to find the time to learn a little about how to manage it and develop a strategy. Just a pity everything is so damned busy at the moment.
Oh yeah – might help to post here:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Feminist-Men-of-NZ/192032044168050#!/pages/Feminist-Men-of-NZ/192032044168050
I support your efforts, and encourage you to continue. I do however have to take issue with one small point. You say: “what we have created.”
None of us alive are the men who ‘created’ the patriarchy. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t recognise the unfair position of advantage we have gained and work to level the playing field, of course we should.
However, I am no more responsible for the actions of my great grandfather than my sister is. Equally, my daughter would suffer just as much under patriarchy as hers would.
My goal as a feminist is to end the perpetuation of gender expectations that, on balance, harm women. I don’t have to take responsibility for the creation of patriarchy to do that, in fact I don’t see how it helps.
To break down gender stereotypes we need to begin by recognising that they are all around us, and that in many instances they are older than recorded history. If we can’t see that then the improvements we will be able to make will be limited.
Thanks Kandela,
I understand your feelings about the “we” issue, but it really is true that men created the problem, and being men, it is valid to refer to “we”.
There is a parallel over here where the NZ Government apologised to the Chinese community for their treatment through our history, including legislative discrimination – statutes that were in force until within my generation. Many people were critical saying “It wasn’t my fault so the Government shouldn’t apologise on behalf of all New Zealanders”.
The problem is that the people who came before us have done terrible things. They cannot apologise due to them being long-since dead. That leaves us, the current generation, to take on that responsibility.
Unless responsibility is taken, nothing changes. Because nobody owns the problem.
Fundamentally, we don’t have to agree on any of this. The most important thing is that we are both fighting the good fight in our own way, with the same ultimate aims.
Could I ask one thing of you? Whether here (I’d welcome you to write a guest post) or on my FB page, would you like to tell your story of how you came to feminism, and what it means for you, how it has changed your life?
After I read your comment it struck me that it might be a cool thing if those of us who consider ourselves feminist men to share our stories.
[...] of this blog. And one of the highlights of my posts has to be the one about my introduction to feminism. It has been a bit patchy, some of it has been great. Most of it has been [...]